House of Leaves

Ages and ages and ages and ages ago I read a Mark Z Danielewski book called 'The Whalestoe Letters', and then not so long ago I read 'House of Leaves' - brilliantly crazy book.

"Passion has little to do with euphoria and everything to do with patience. It is not about feeling good. It is about endurance. Like patience, passion comes from the same Latin root: pati. It does not mean to flow with exuberance. It means to suffer."

In this case he refers to love as passion.

Love is not about happiness but patience. Love isn't about feeling good a hundred percent of the time but enduring the bad feelings. People suffer through love because love is worth it.

I've never really understood what he meant but after a certain life experience(?) I do understand exactly his perspective.

Sad Songs For A Sad Day

"Sad songs for a sad day" as compiled by Helena and I:-

• Remembering Sunday - All Time Low
• Million Dollar Houses - Pierce the Veil
• Teen Idle - Marina and the Diamonds
• Miserable At Best - Mayday Parade
• I'm Not Missing You - Amely
• Hold On Til May - Pierce the Veil
• Never Saw It Coming - Tigers Jaw
• Intensity In Ten Cities - Chiodos
• Fix You - Coldplay
• When You Can't Sleep At Night - Of Mice and Men
• If It Means A Lot To You - ADTR
• Goodnight Moon - Go Radio
• Miles Away - Memphis May Fire
• Andria - La Dispute
• Stay Away From My Friends - Pierce the Veil

Phrases I Like

On my other blog, there's currently a discussion on "phrases I like". I thought i'd share my list of phrases I like here too.

"I miss you."

"How are you?"

"Tomorrow."

"I love you."

"Don't go."

"Stay."

"Wanna do something?"

"Be there soon."

"Tea?"

"Let's go now."

"Good morning."

This week I was forced into having keyhole surgery. Ok, maybe not FORCED but definitely coerced.

It was horrendous. I hated every moment of it.

The nurse who was taking a blood sample from me couldn't find a vein, so she was stabbing my arm to death, and then when the needle was in and the blood was going into that test tube thing my blood pressure decided it was going to drop dramatically low.

Then I was prepared for surgery, wearing nothing but my underwear and a hospital gown - I was freezing and literally couldn't stop shivering. Then came the anaesthetic  and the doctor said it wouldn't put me to sleep but I wouldn't feel a thing. I did try explaining to the doctor that regular anaesthetic doesn't work on me but "you'll be fine, you won't feel a thing".

I felt pretty much everything. I felt the knife slicing through my stomach. I felt them poking around in my stomach - oddest sensation ever. I don't remember what happened after that as I tried to sit up but a nurse held me down and I was injected with something that made me unaware of what was going on. I do, however, remember being stitched up and feeling my body shudder when the nurse pulled the stringy thing; I hated that.

Then I was wheeled into a little dark room where I was left on the bed with no blanket for what felt like hours. I was freezing and I remember my toes hurting.

When a nurse finally arrived, she pulled out the needle in my arm and my blood just kept on pouring out, it just wouldn't stop no matter how many pressure bandages they put on it (they had to change them constantly because the blood kept seeping through). At that point they were worried that they had damaged my vein by stabbing it a good few times, so that was quite worrying... But thankfully by about seven-o-clock it stopped bleeding. A nurse came and washed my arm that was stained with blood, she wasn't exactly gentle either and probably made my arm even more sore.

And then a couple of my stitches re-opened so I had to endure being stitched up again, and then they finally bandaged me up and left me to rest (that was after forcing me to eat a chocolate bar to get my blood sugar higher and to drink a couple of cold drinks to stop me from getting dizzy due to blood loss - that hurt my stomach).

The whole experience was awful. I didn't like it. I don't ever want to do it again.