Anhedonia

For those who don't have an interest in words ending in '-nia', it means "lack of pleasure in anything".

My mum saw a doctor regarding her emotions once, she said she was fed up of everything and she no longer wanted to carry on doing anything - whether it be working, or household chores, or even speaking to her family or friends. The doctor labelled it depression, saying that's what was causing her to get anhedonia, she said "it's more a horror of the world than lack of pleasure".

Sometimes I think we all go through stages in our lives where we feel less connected to the things we enjoy (hobbies, our families, projects, etc). It doesn't mean we don't love those things any more, it just means that maybe you've had your fill of a good thing and need a break or some time for yourself.

Moral of the post: the black cloud always passes.

"You already have a job," he explained. "From now on, your life with your husband is your job." He corrected himself. "It's more than a job. It's a career. Your husband makes the money, and you create the life. And it's going to take effort. You'll rise each morning and exercise, not simply to look attractive but to build endurance. Most ladies prefer yoga. Then you will dress. You'll arrange your schedule and send e-mails. You'll attend a meeting for a charity in the morning, or perhaps visit an art dealer or make a studio visit. You'll have lunch, and then there are meetings with decorators, caterers, and stylists; you'll have your hair coloured twice a month and blow-dried three times a week. You'll do private tours of museums and read, I hope, three newspapers a day: The New York Times, The New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal. At the end of the day, you'll prepare for an evening out, which may include two or three cocktail parties and a dinner. Some will be black-tie charity events where you'll be expected to wear a gown and never the same dress twice. You'll need to have your hair and make-up done. You'll also plan vacations and weekend outings. You may purchase a country house, which you will also have to organise, staff, and decorate. You will meet the right people and court them in a manner both subtle and shameless. And then, my dear, there will be children. So," Billy concluded, "let's get busy."

- 'One Fifth Avenue' by Candace Bushnell

Being the wife of a rich man sounds so damn boring! Early mornings? Yoga? Endless trips to the hairdresser/stylist? Three newspapers a day? Dinners in restaurants? Mingling? No time for sex? No, thank you.

The Concept of Love

"Philip?" she said shyly, teasing his penis with the tip of her nail. In the next second, he was on top of her again. Lola opened her legs, and after he'd come and was lying on top of her, exhausted, she whispered, "I think I love you."

When I got to "she whispered", I immediately knew what Lola was going to say. I found myself yelling aloud "NO! DON'T SAY IT! DON'T EVEN... NO, LOLA, DON'T." Then I read the words "I think I love you". I released an exasperating sigh, called Lola stupid, and found myself - at least for a split second - hating the concept of love. It led to an overwhelming feeling of compulsion/repulsion of love - I wanted nothing to do with it, good or bad. As fast at it came, it disappeared. I think I will always be a romantic at heart, hoping and wishing for "happy endings".

I've been trying to dissect my emotions, but... What is the concept of love? Being "in love", I thought I would immediately know the answer. Alas, I don't think I'm the least bit worldly enough to answer such a question.

Lola didn't get the answer that she wanted.

His head jerked up and he looked at her with surprise. Smiling and kissing the tip of her nose, he said, "'love' is a strong word, Lola."

But she did get bagels instead.

- EXCERPT FROM 'ONE FIFTH AVENUE' BY CANDACE BUSHNELL

Do you remember Paris?

You have never said much. You save words, I spend them. One of us is richer for it. As always I made my choices about what you were thinking. It made it easier for me, to assume an understanding of your desire.

Romantic Love vs. Friendship Love

Olivia Wilde said, "...but the difference between romantic love and friendship love is that romantic love involves a lot of compromise. It is a very giving type of love. With friendship, you can be a little bit more autonomous. You are not expected to compromise, in the same way. Maybe that's why friendships tend to last longer. I don't know." 

I am sort of captivated by what creates a strong/successful friendship versus a strong/successful relationship. I think Olivia Wilde is right: it is a matter of expectations, effort, and a natural willingness on both ends to go all-in. Compromise, though, and a very selfless, giving love — that does seem to be the bottom line of it.

Almost A Crime

With a slow start, and very unlikable characters, on a topic primarily about adultery, I didn't think I was going to like this Penny Vincenzi novel as much as her others... Ten chapters in, however, after emotionally investing the characters, I pushed on reading to see Tom (the rather charming and handsome husband with a wandering eye) get his comeuppance.
The aftershocks caused by Tom's earth shaking affair spread far and wide affecting not just a lot of people but businesses of theirs and their friends too. Interesting to read how each character views his terrible affair, and personally I found myself yelling at the pages soundly on Octavia's side. But my view shifted during part three of the story. Anyone who picks up this book and finishes it will have changed their view on adultery, I know I have.
I always like to think that their is a moral to every story, and this story screams that "bad" events can never just be blamed on one person - there is always another person involved, another factor to consider.

“Stop minimizing and discounting your feelings. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your feelings may not always be logical, but they are always valid. Because if you feel something, then you feel it and it’s real to you. It’s not something you can ignore or wish away. It’s there, gnawing at you, tugging at your core, and in order to find peace, you have to give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you feel. You have to let go of what you’ve been told you “should” or “shouldn’t” feel. You have to drown out the voices of people who try to shame you into silence. You have to listen to the sound of your own breathing and honor the truth inside you. Because despite what you may believe, you don’t need anyone’s validation or approval to feel what you feel. Your feelings are inherently right and true. They’re important and they matter — you matter — and it is more than okay to feel what you feel. Don’t let anyone, including yourself, convince you otherwise.”

— Daniell Koepke

Not Safe In Taxis

Long ago when I was a teenager, my mum and I talked about men in her youth who she labelled NSIT - Not Safe In Taxis.

What is a man who is NSIT?

Men who were very gentlemanly on dates but lady killers in a taxi when escorting them home. You know the seductive types, they slip in close next to you, a warm hand on thigh, their breath on your neck, waiting for that perfect opportunity of you turning to look at them so they can catch your lips with theirs. If you get of the taxi, you've lost the battle completely, because they're going to pull you into their warm embrace and push you over the edge with that goodnight kiss. Of course it was never a goodnight kiss, was it? We've all been in that position, not that it's a bad position to be in - you're both attracted to each other, so why not reward each other with pleasure?

It's something every young woman in her twenties needs to know - call it vital information.