Anhedonia

For those who don't have an interest in words ending in '-nia', it means "lack of pleasure in anything".

My mum saw a doctor regarding her emotions once, she said she was fed up of everything and she no longer wanted to carry on doing anything - whether it be working, or household chores, or even speaking to her family or friends. The doctor labelled it depression, saying that's what was causing her to get anhedonia, she said "it's more a horror of the world than lack of pleasure".

Sometimes I think we all go through stages in our lives where we feel less connected to the things we enjoy (hobbies, our families, projects, etc). It doesn't mean we don't love those things any more, it just means that maybe you've had your fill of a good thing and need a break or some time for yourself.

Moral of the post: the black cloud always passes.

"You already have a job," he explained. "From now on, your life with your husband is your job." He corrected himself. "It's more than a job. It's a career. Your husband makes the money, and you create the life. And it's going to take effort. You'll rise each morning and exercise, not simply to look attractive but to build endurance. Most ladies prefer yoga. Then you will dress. You'll arrange your schedule and send e-mails. You'll attend a meeting for a charity in the morning, or perhaps visit an art dealer or make a studio visit. You'll have lunch, and then there are meetings with decorators, caterers, and stylists; you'll have your hair coloured twice a month and blow-dried three times a week. You'll do private tours of museums and read, I hope, three newspapers a day: The New York Times, The New York Post, and The Wall Street Journal. At the end of the day, you'll prepare for an evening out, which may include two or three cocktail parties and a dinner. Some will be black-tie charity events where you'll be expected to wear a gown and never the same dress twice. You'll need to have your hair and make-up done. You'll also plan vacations and weekend outings. You may purchase a country house, which you will also have to organise, staff, and decorate. You will meet the right people and court them in a manner both subtle and shameless. And then, my dear, there will be children. So," Billy concluded, "let's get busy."

- 'One Fifth Avenue' by Candace Bushnell

Being the wife of a rich man sounds so damn boring! Early mornings? Yoga? Endless trips to the hairdresser/stylist? Three newspapers a day? Dinners in restaurants? Mingling? No time for sex? No, thank you.

The Concept of Love

"Philip?" she said shyly, teasing his penis with the tip of her nail. In the next second, he was on top of her again. Lola opened her legs, and after he'd come and was lying on top of her, exhausted, she whispered, "I think I love you."

When I got to "she whispered", I immediately knew what Lola was going to say. I found myself yelling aloud "NO! DON'T SAY IT! DON'T EVEN... NO, LOLA, DON'T." Then I read the words "I think I love you". I released an exasperating sigh, called Lola stupid, and found myself - at least for a split second - hating the concept of love. It led to an overwhelming feeling of compulsion/repulsion of love - I wanted nothing to do with it, good or bad. As fast at it came, it disappeared. I think I will always be a romantic at heart, hoping and wishing for "happy endings".

I've been trying to dissect my emotions, but... What is the concept of love? Being "in love", I thought I would immediately know the answer. Alas, I don't think I'm the least bit worldly enough to answer such a question.

Lola didn't get the answer that she wanted.

His head jerked up and he looked at her with surprise. Smiling and kissing the tip of her nose, he said, "'love' is a strong word, Lola."

But she did get bagels instead.

- EXCERPT FROM 'ONE FIFTH AVENUE' BY CANDACE BUSHNELL