A Haiku For Every Girl I've Ever Slept With...by Benedict Smith

1. The haiku form is an appropriate length to describe with fuck.
2. When I handcuffed you, it was insanely hot, I came in my jeans.
3. We used to have sex so we didn't have to talk. Now we do neither.
4. We had a threesome. You, me, and my depression. Depression fucks hard.
5. I shouted my love from the rooftops before almost jumping off.
6. You didn't like me but you did like my writing, I guess that's enough.
7. Entangled, twitching, we came down as cenotaphs numb with limbless minds.
8. Tried your fantasy and pretended to rape you. It felt a bit forced.
9. You learned of my pain and said you'd try to fix me. That wasn't your job.
10. You were very large but alcohol and codeine made you not so large.
11. You liked to be choked, you stuffed animals for fun, you were just my type.
12. Halfway through you sobbed, said you were touched as a child. I stopped and held you.
13. Thirteen is bad luck but three's a lucky number, fourteen would agree.
14. It wasn't awkward. It was just double the fun. That's arithmetic.
15. Puked everywhere and then fell into a bush. You still wanted me.
16. Our contrasting skin meant some passersby would stare and we just loved it.
17. You were a model who found me through my writing. Thank you, internet.
18. We made a sex tape. I hope I find it before my family does.
19. I whipped you too hard, inadvertently drew blood, quickly apologised.
20. Cars drove by as I fingered you at a bus stop (a romantic date).
21. It's strange to think it but before you miscarried, was I a father?
22. We both got naked online for our followers in different ways.
23. "You don't care", you said, so I pretended to cry, and then we had sex.
24. You liked taking charge and I went along with it out of laziness.
25. I tried to whip you, then I hit my testicles...it ruined the mood.
26. It took twenty five, twenty five, misconnections before I found you.

I was talking to my "stress nurse" yesterday and she taught me a little did-you-know fact.

Did you know, on average, the human body needs eight positive touches a day to survive? This includes hand shakes, a hand on the shoulder, a hug, a kiss, etc.

So, if you think about it, people that are depressed are just upset because they don’t get attention...because when your body lacks positive touches it can stunt your growth and effect your mental and emotional development.

*hugs to everyone out there*

Lazy Sunday

Hello from the North.

I propose a New Year resolution for you.

Enjoy the little things in life, take pleasure in them, know that they add up to the big things.

Someone once said, and it was Kurt Vonneout, "enjoy the little things in life, for one day you'll look back and realise they were the big things."