Sweet Disposition - The Temper Trap

I'm not stuck on Temper Trap just like the lyrics to this song, everything else is crap...

A moment, a love, a kiss, a cry, our rights, our wrongs, a moment, a love, a dream aloud...

I was talking to Rick today about something and bless his heart he was trying to reassure me that I had nothing to worry about. Well, I say talking but it was more like incoherent sentences, just some of my thoughts coming out all jumbled. Yeah...it's a mess in my head at the moment. I'm in the process of clearing things up but whenever I get close to everything being in it's box, something else comes up and I think about it and...it's a big mess again.

Point is... It makes  me do the mardy thing again and I can't help it and sometimes I don't even know i'm being like it and it's difficult for...people.

Note To Self

I shouldn't listen to this song:

Stone Sour - Made of Scars

I was waiting for your to ask about coming to get me yesterday...but you didn't, and then I was going to say something about it but you told me your mother wanted you to do all those chores and stuff, and I felt like you didn't have time for me...and that's kind of bummed me out now.

Denial

Sometimes reality has a way of sneaking up and biting us in the bum. 
And when the dam bursts, all you can do is swim. 
The world of pretend is a cage, not a cocoon. 
We can only lie to ourselves for so long. 
We are tired, we are scared; denying it doesn't change the truth. 
Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. 
Head on, guns blazing. 
De Nile; it's not just a river in Egypt, it's a freakin' ocean. 
So how do you keep from drowning in it?

The doctor thinks I purposefully threw myself down the stairs. I'm not even shocked he thinks that, since he thinks I'm suicidal. But I don't even care what he thinks any more... I have the painkillers for my cracked scapula and I have all my results back from my tests so I don't ever have to see him again. When the time comes for my physical on the 30th, i'll request a different doctor.

Today sucks. Everything sucks.

Ugh.

I hate staying long lengths of time in hospitals - they're all the same: clean and clinical.

And the people? Administration staff, doctors, nurses...so precise and clear-cut. I understand why they have to be precise, there's no room for error, they can't go around accidentally bumping patients off because they were a bit careless. But it just makes them feel a little inhuman to me.

And it's not just the staff in the hospital, it's the patients too. They just always seem so...morose, or preoccupied with dwelling on whatever it is that is going around in their heads.

I hate it here. It's awfully suffocating.